Swami has sometimes referred to Prashanti Nilayam as the mechanic’s repair shop, or the workshop. We go there, get infused by His grace (yes, even now, so many years after his leaving the physical form) and repairs are done, internally, externally, and from time to time, we may experience a challenge to our habitual behaviours, and perhaps, be confronted by the way we react to external stimuli and events. So here is a narrative of one such challenge and the journey towards internal self-understanding of the mind and is machinations. Sai Ram …
Not All Cheese and Bikkies
Well, it has not been without its lessons. I was clipped by a motorcycle on my first night in Puttaparthi. Nothing serious, I hit the ground and got some gravel rash on the heel of my palm and lost some elbow skin. Lucky. First night. As I was going down (somewhere within my consciousness I realised I had been hit) I was watching the motor bike go down and I was more concerned for the young man on the bike. It seemed to go sideways and slide down the road. Many hands reached out and picked us up. A familiar voice said, “Are you all right?” I answered, “I think so”, and internally scanned my body. It all seemed to be there. A look at my stinging elbow. Bleeding. OK. I look at the young man, he apologises. I tell him he should toot.
Looking back on this, I see this was the device to deal with some negativity within me. For, shortly after, I got very angry and escalated to wrath. I was demanding this man go to the chemist with me and get something to fix my elbow. Of course no one spoke English on the street at that time of night and the policeman thought I wanted to lay a complaint. He insisted I come. I reluctantly went with him, and tried to find a friend who could translate. When they passed the chemist, I didn’t want to go on, up the road past the Bus Station to the Police Station… I went back, I found someone who could translate. He told me the score very quickly and I knew what to do.
I realised that my mind had reacted and escalated (how hopeless!) and as I walked up to the Police Station, I understood that I created this reality, and I could fix it. It was of some concern, this young man could easily get locked up, and I could come under scrutiny and notice that I didn’t relish. The young man came up and apologised again and held my hand as we walked into the Police Inspector’s Office.
I was fast, and dealt with it quickly. Smile, outside.
Ok, I walked back home, and I twigged that Swami set this up, ever so mildly, so I would become aware of a deleterious habit, and I could do something about it. Later on that night, of all people, a doctor I knew well walked in and took a look at me and dragged me off to his clinic to clean my elbow up with a bit of anaesthetic. Infection prevented. Walking back home, I realised the bike could have hit me a lot harder. I silently thanked Swami.
I shoulda done something the next morning, and I didn’t and more reactions within my mind began to emerge. Later that night, I was beginning to understand more, and I had a choice – to keep this and allow the mind to direct my behaviour – or to drop it and change. This young man on the motorbike had simply been a can-opener to let me see what was within me and how it controlled me. I developed bowel rumblings and pains. I began to understand. From my reading about healing, I knew that loss of control over the bowel reflects loss of personal power. If I did not deal with the issue here and now, it would continue to erupt at inconvenient times in my life. Hence, I materialised the beginnings of “Delhi Belly” as my body was warning me that I was about to surrender power to one of my tendencies or samskaras.
The next morning, when I tried to kick-start So-hum, in my minds’ eye, Swami kept coming out and falling over in the darshan hall. This happened about 5 times, before the penny dropped. Swami was telling me he caught most of the impact for me and took it on himself; I was due an accident and by his grace it happened here — and he took on all of it — right on my first night. A friend leaned over and said, ‘You told me your stars were going to take a bad turn, and here you are, he has ameliorated it for you!’ External confirmation of internal message. How powerful!
I chose change.
The morning after, I sat with my back to East Prashanthi, and began to process with a kinesiology meridian point where psychological reversals can be effected. I did this for about 30 minutes until Swami came out. I did not take a good darshan (I felt), and I was not attending very well or anything like that. Immediately after darshan, people began to bump me and stand on my feet, and I began to get cranky, and I realised immediately, that I was being challenged. ‘Have you let this go?’ Each time I became irritated, I stopped, and said NO! (to the mind) I HAVE LET IT GO! very firmly. No point in being a victim to your own mind.
That afternoon, I repeated my affirmations, and selected a slightly different release technique (one I use to manage the mind) and I started coughing in darshan. I had to put my hand up over my mouth. Swami was giving darshan, (Whatever will they think of me?), I thought. While Swami was giving darshan, I continued my release. Swami is an avatar, and he says, USE ME! For many years I have coughed to release, (I still do) and continued to cough. I began to feel better, and after taking what seemed to be a good darshan, I did an internal self examination on this wrathful tendency and found it GONE! All I needed to do was to consciously reaffirm this to drop the “delhi belly”. It took about a day to pass over into the body’s knowing.
Swami has told, ‘Leave all your filth and garbage here with me in Prashanthi Nilayam. Don’t take it back home with you’. It takes a little courage and self possession; self reliance to get started on this and be responsible for your own healing. So little by little, we can use him to heal and take appropriate action and get out of learned helplessness and whatever, and then he can use us.
Not all cheese and bikkies, but worth every effort.
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